Ray Stevens Rocks!

Popularity: 4% [?]

It’s just a reality that you have to deal stupid people now and then. I’m not talking about their mental capacity. Instead,I mean the actions that customer service people take to “serve” the customer. I see three distinct levels of customer service stupidity:

Level One: Glorified Receptionists

Some companies hire a bank of chair-warmers for low wages, title them customer service (my favorite is the “customer advocate”), skimp on training, and expect them to give good customer service to you and I, the customer.

Here’s a good example.  I am currently looking for a pair of Levi’s Carpenter Shorts.  I’ve owned several pair over the past few years. They are comfortable, affordable enough so I don’t feel bad working in the yard or fishing in them, and  shorts

Poor guys – I’m civil and ask them to transfer me to the manager.

Level Two: “My Hands Are Tied”

Sometimes the rare company gets the items in #1 right, and then management screws it up. They put so many rules, regulations and procedures in place that the customer service person has no authority to actually help out.

Oh, you can’t do anything? – Again, I’m civil and ask them to transfer me to the manager.

Level Three: The Customer Service Prima Donna

The worst level of customer service stupidity, though, must be the person who can actually help the customer and refuses to.  These people are usually rude and condescending, and they use “customer” as an insult.

Idea Seed

I really don’t mind dealing with stupidity in the form of #1 and #2.  But dealing with #3 makes me want to chew my own toes off.  I’ve even posted about some of my ridiculous  encounters here and here.  Each time I talk to a prima donna, I am left feeling completely unsatisfied and all I want is sweet revenge.  That’s right, you are intentionally a jerk to me, and I’ll intentionally be a jerk back.  But my recent epiphany came from a hoax email I received last week from a family member.  It’s the Free Sony Ericsson Laptop hoax that has been around for years.  Here’s the email:

Use This Email as a Template to Mess With Stupid Customer Service People

Ha ha!  It’s so easy.  All you need to do is follow a few steps and you’ll cause Inbox Hell for the customer service punk who is trying to bend you over.  Here we go.  I’ll use Direct TV for an example since they are idiots.

DirecTV Example of a Revence Email

1. Use the company’s product/service to create a completely ridiculous offer that will get the attention of everyone who receives the email.  The big word to focus on is “free”.

Attention: Direct TV is offering a free promotion to expand their business with your help!  All you have to do is forward this email to twenty people.  Be sure to copy John Doe, Direct TV’s head of concept, so they have a record of you and can offer you the free service.  Here’s what you get:

• FREE service from Direct TV for 2 FULL YEARS.
• FREE installation. Free equipment.
• FREE premium movies and HD service

2. Grab a photo or two just to make it look good.

3. Here’s the most important part: insert the real email address of the idiot customer service people you want to mess with.  Most customer service people, especially at the prima donna level, will have ad email address to contact customers.  The best way to get this is say something like “Can you send that to my email address so I have that in writing?” regarding something fairly innocent, so you can capture the email address.

4. Send this email to everyone you can – email contacts, social networking contacts, etc.

Over the next few days, this email has the potential to spread like wildfire.  When the stupid customer service person is copied on all the forwards, their email inbox will get filled with a ton of crap.

Popularity: 14% [?]

This hilarious clip is from tonight’s O’Reilly Factor.  Bill does “Miller Time” with Dennis Miller every week, and this time they covered (in part) Jon and Kate Plus 8.

I was only able to find the full Miller Time.  Watch the whole thing if you want, but the good part happens at 3:00 – you can skip ahead watch for about twenty seconds to have a good laugh:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!

Who’s the polonesian kid????  Miller cracks me up.

Popularity: 47% [?]

What is the deal with messianic Cheetos?  Earlier today it was reported that a Houston couple found a Cheeto that looked like a praying Jesus, but this is just the latest find in a long string of similar sightings.

May 19, 2009 – The latest Cheesus find comes from a couple near Houston, Tx.

July 30, 2008 – A woman in Dallas, Texas found this Jesus Cheeto:

July 29th, 2008 – A woman in Montana found a Cheeto she thought looked like Jesus on the cross.

March 21, 2008 – A youth minister in Houston has kept a Christ-like Cheeto in his office for a couple of years before it got out.  He even had it in a little display case in his office:

After todays Cheesus, one blogger asked why don’t Jews see things in their food.  My take on the answer: it wouldn’t be kosher.

Enough Already.  Get some Baked Lays.

What’s the big deal?  Every time something like this happens,whether it’s a Potato Chip Jesus, a holy sand dune, or any number of other religious sightings in food,the news media goes crazy.  These stories spread like wildfire across the news wires, the blogosphere, and even on primetime news.  Why?  I mean, it’s food.  I seriously doubt that Frito Lay has a secret marketing plan to get free publicity out of this stunt.  Trust me, they are not stuffing a Cheesus into every 100th bag of Cheetos.

Seriously, after a sighting of the Virgin Mary on a turtle’s belly, havent’ you had enough?

After you find a Cheesus, the real question you must ask yourself is:

What do you do with the crumbly cheesey crumbs on your fingers?

Popularity: 71% [?]

Smallville’s Clark Kent is a weeny.  He’s such a weeny that we should call the show “Weenyville”

Tonight was supposed to be the season finale.    Instead it was a weenyfest.  This episode single-handedly destroyed the entire show for me.  Just a coincident that it was titles Doomsday… or is it?  Instead of a season capping finale, this was the dumbest, most idiotic, non-exciting episode ever. Bottom line: Clark is a weeny.

Important: From here on out there are spoilers, but the show has taken such a downturn this season that they can hardly be called spoilers.

Predictable Plot

Every freakin episode has the same story:

• some baddie either puts either the entire world or one of Clark’s friends (swap them out) in danger.
• Clark tried to save them but gets trapped by kryptonite.
• Some wuss saves Clark
• Clark pulls off some 8-year-old-in-superman-pajamas spoof and the episode ends to some dumb song (but you can buy the CD on the CW.com)

Clark (a.k.a. weeny-boy – see right) wrestles with the fact that Doomsday has a human side (Davis), and humans are all good.  Of course he’s come up against hundreds of human baddies over the past eight seasons, but whatever. Clark has been whining forever that he can save Davis and proves once again the depths of his weenitude.

Clark Rendered Inept… Again

So Green Lantern and his super-turd friends shoot Clark with a Krypto-dart.  Of course! Predictable and boring.

This time it’s Jimmy Olsen that saves him and learns that Clark is the Red-Blue-Blur.  What does that mean? Time to die, Jimmy!  Yep, Jimmy dies.  Stupid.  Even dumber, at his funeral Chloe walks up to a crying kid and says “You must be Jimmy’s younger brother.”

Time out… wasn’t she married to Jimmy?  YES. And you are telling me that she never met his family?  Stupid.  Chloe hands the kid a camera and tells him he may follow in the dead Jimmy’s footsteps.  Is that foreshadowing???

And this kid is supposed to be the Jimmy Olsen in the movies.  How does that work?  Were his parents dumb enough to name him Jimmy, too?  Or does this 8 year old kid take his older brother’s name to honor him now that he’s dead?

Crappy Ending. I’ll Skip Next Season

Clark ends the show by telling Chloe it is his human side, his emotions, that cause the problems.  Then he says goodbye and walks out.

I’ve never been this disgusted with a TV show.  It’s probably why I don’t watch much TV.  The only good outcome is that I’ll have less TV to watch in the fall.

Popularity: 36% [?]