Matt Mauldin

This blog’s title sounds like a bad Meat Loaf song, but it’s actually easy to set up, works great, saves time, and is pretty freakin’ sweet.

I have lots of social media accounts (twitter, facebook, and identica)  that allow for status updates.   I’m also running chat accounts, which allow for status.  So I finally found a way to update all of these accounts at once from anywhere I can IM.

1. Identi.ca account – There is a setting to manage your Gtalk IM settings to confirm your Gtalk address, and a checkbox setting so that you can post a note it your Identi.ca profile each time you update your Gtalk status.
2. Gtalk buddy list – Add “update@identi.ca” to your buddy list.  Each time you chat, identi.ca adds a dent (aka tweet in identi.ca-speak) to your profile.  (important: do this!)
3. Identi.ca account – Add your twitter account to your Identi.ca settings and check the box to send new notices to your twitter account automatically.
4. Facebook account – Now add the twitter app for your facebook account, and set it to update your facebook status when you tweet.

That’s it. you are done. Your status flow will look like this:

Now you can update your status from the Gtalk client, from the chat in Gmail, from Gtalk on your blackberry/iPhone, or from another client like Pidgin or Digsby.

(By the way, Meat Loaf doesn’t have any bad songs)

Popularity: 76% [?]

That’s right, I just can’t bring myself to invest in a life settlement.  Let’s take a look why I can’t do it:

Unless you have been hiding under a rock over the past few months, you are well aware of the downturn in the financial markets.  The stock market is down by half, and everyone is looking for a way to save their invested money. One of the investment options that claims to avoid market risk is by investing in a “life settlement.”  Over the past year I’ve heard a whole lot life settlements, and after learning about them, I just can’t see myself investing in one.

What is a Life Settlement?

A life settlement is an investment into a life insurance policy that some old person doesn’t want anymore.  Here’s the breakdown:

1. Investment companies search medical records for old, sick and dying people that have a live expectancy of five years or less who still has a life insurance policy.
2. The company offers this person a flat payout to purchase the policy.  (the payout may be as low as 10% of what the death benefit is.)
3. Let’s say a company finds about 10 of these policies. They then bundle them together and gets a few hundred people like you and I to “invest” in the policies. Investment is possible 50% of the sum of the death benefits, and some of the money is set aside to pay the premiums until the death of the policy holder.
4. As the policy holders die off the death benefits are paid, the company takes a cut, then any money not paid as premiums plus the amount over the initial investment and distributed among the “investors.”

Pros?

First, I’ve heard figures that something like only 5% of all death benefits are actually paid off. In other words, 95% of all life insurance policies never have to pay a dime! Why? Because the policy holder usually stops paying the monthly premiums, looses coverage, and never gets a dime.  On the other hand, when they agree to a life settlement, the policy holder doesn’t have to pay any more premiums, and still gets a little cash in hand.  Hmmm, not bad.

Second, life settlement will still make the insurance company pay the death benefit.  Seriously, if they are only having to pay on 5% of these policies, then they are making more money on these things that we can imaging.

Life insurance is a cash cow + insurance companies suck = let’s make them pay.

How do investors make money?

When these old, sick people die, you get a cut of their life insurance payout. What’s more, the faster they die the more money is made.  (Remember that some of the money invested is set aside to pay premiums. So if a policy holder dies sooner then fewer premiums are paid out then more money is left over to be sent out as return on the investment).

One of the investment guys on the radio always pushes life settlements.  Yesterday I heard him say, “whenever one of these policies matures, that payout is applied to everyone invested in that life settlement.”  Are you kidding me?  Matures means dead.  It’s not a policy maturing, it’s a person dying.  They’ve even taking the human element out of the equation all in the name of making money.  What crap!

So why can’t I do it?

It’s all about my mindset towards investing.  When I invest, I want to make money.  But with life settlement, that would lead me down a path I don’t want to go.  Let me explain:

In every single investment vehicle I’ve had interest in – whether it was a simple money market account, a Roth IRA, Mutual Fund, company stock, whatever – I want it to MAKE MONEY!  I put the money in hoping that the market goes up, the company makes money, interest is compounded more often, whatever.  Basically, anything that generates additional returns in a shorter time span, I am pro.  So I’ve got to believe I would feel the exact same towards life settlement.

And then it hit me: I would be hoping these old people would die, and the sooner the better.  That’s right, every time some old person kicked the bucket I would jump up in the air, click my heels together, and say “Cha-ching!”  (ridiculous, huh?)

Yep, that’s morbid.  I wouldn’t be thinking that consciously, but technically that is the end result.  There are probably some people who can invest in a life settlement without that mindset, but not me.  I’m goal driven.  I want to see results.  And the entire goal, of investing is to increase money.  So I can’t do it.

At the end of the day it’s just money.  And money ain’t worth that.  Life settlement, you can get on down the road.

Popularity: 61% [?]

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Popularity: 14% [?]

Minivan drivers are the worst drivers in the world! It doesn’t matter who you are – if you are driving a minivan, you currently hold the title of Worst Driver in the World.  Who is to blame? You and your minivan.  Why? Because minivans are evil!

Proof: Minivans are evil.

I recently uncovered this photo of a minivan soon after birth.  The car companies would like you to believe that these evil vehicles come off the assembly line like other cars, but don’t be fooled.  This photo is undeniable proof that minivans are born and sent to the dealership straight from the gates of hell.

For practical reasons, the demon horns are removed from each minivan soon after birth and before being shipped to the dealers.

Minivans make the driver (bad).

How can I say that minivans are evil? Because there’s no rhyme or reason to the profile of a minivan driver, yet they all suck.  “Minivan driver ineptitude” transcends age, race, ethnicity, gender, past driving record, or anything else you can possible think of to categorize the actual person behind the wheel.  It’s not them, the demon minivan takes over the moment the ignition is turned on.

The only common theme among minivan drivers is this: they chose to drive a minivan!

Even I am not immune.  A couple of summers back, the family and I went to South Padre Island.  We flew into Harlingen and rented a minivan to make the hour drive to the Texas coast.  During that trip, I can honestly say that the honking I received over that 5-day period easily tripled all of the other honking I have ever received in over 15 years of driving.  What was different? Just the minivan.

It’s always a Minivan!

Every time I am driving peacefully down the road – sometimes even enjoying my drive – here comes a minivan to ruin my driving experience.  Have you noticed that minivans are always doing something to get in your way?

• It’s always a minivan on one of your bumpers: either the front one because they are driving too slow, or the back one because they can’t stop tailgaiting you!
• When you come up to an intersection and want to turn right on red, there’s always a minivan stopped in front of you waiting to go straight, blocking your way!
• It’s always a minivan that turns left from a parking lot onto a busy street, then uses the left-hand turn lane to  drive and squeeze in in front of you.
• It’s always a minivan that cuts you off on the highway, keeps you from getting to your exit or blocks you from getting on the highway
• It’s always a minivan that will try to pass you on the right lane of the interstate (and it’s so fun to speed up just a little and box them in behind some slow semi trailer, he he).
• It’s always a minivan that takes their sweet time getting into and out of parking spots.
• Minivans always squeeze into the tight parking spots because those sliding doors don’t require any room to open.  But when you get out of the store or restaurant, you have to compress your entire torso just to get back into your own car.
• Freakin minivans.

Solution to the Minivan Problem – DAM (Driving A Minivan) Law

I suggest that we pass the “Driving A Minivan” law, or DAM for short.  Basically, if you are caught driving a minivan for any reason,you can be subject to the following penalties:

• late dropping your kids off for soccer practice, gymnastics, or day care.
• search and seizure of all Starbucks coffee or diet sodas, slimfast candy bars, and ziploc bags of cheerios.
• sever thrashing with a bamboo cane.
• feelings of general disgust and loathing sent in the drivers general direction.

And passing the DAM law will give all us non-minivan drivers an opportunity to say, “Follow the DAM law and get off the damn road!”

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